now i know why

salam.
cuti mid sem dh dekat. kebetulan, clash pulak dgn cuti raya haji. so selepas segala konflik dan kontroversi, dapat la cuti lebih kurang dalam dua minggu. i'm supposed to be happy, tapi tak tau la kenapa kali ni rasa macam tak de mood nak balik. rasa sangat sangat miserable. :| and now i know why.

first, saya rasa bersalah sebab mama dah berminggu minggu remind pasal tiket bas. kalau call je mesti mama tanya, "dh decide belum nk balik bila? dh book tiket? nti raya haji clash ngan school hols, tiket biasa habis". masa tu like due tiga minggu before mid sem. so, bila tanya kawan kawan semua mcm cool, rilek je lagi. sebab mungkin lambat lagi kannn. semua tak decide lagi. so i myself dgn losernye, follow their flow instead of dengar apa yg mama cakap. nk push dieorg utk decide pun, it was still too early. besides, semua org kan dh ada back up plan. ada rumah ke dua, ke tiga, ke empat segala. and i didn't even think about that dan dgn losernya sekali lagi i let them decide for myself. =______=" loser kan? tadi time gi tmn maju dgn niat ikhlas lagi suci nak beli tiket, tiket semua dh habis KECUALI bas shamisha tu pun lalu KL and ada beberapa seat je lagi yang kosong. ok fineee. itu sangat cuakkk okayyy. bukan cuak sbb pe, ok je nk tolong melapah lembu ngan bdk Sudan, Egypt kat Toronto ni pun, tapi mcm mana nak explain kat mama ngan ayah nanti? OMG. i really do have some trouble explaining things, rite? *sigh*

secondly, saya rasa bersalah sebab i didn't score well last sem and yet i promised to both of my parents that i would do my best. tapi, apa yang keluar mcm didn't go parallel dgn what i've promised. i somehow can expect they will talk about this over and over again when i come back and i cannot imagine how many times i have to explain the same dull thing to them. i'm tired indeed. in case, you are reading this, i'm really really sorry because i failed to reach your expectation. i couldn't do it like i did in school. i couldn't do it like i did in spm. walaupun result spm cemerlang, tp from the moment saya tgk the only subjek which i scored A-, i straight away could feel it yg engineering gonna be a though path for me to take. kalau ayah ingat, sblm dtg sini, ayah ada bwk kakak pegi tepi pantai that one night and you told me to go and you told me to just forget medic and whatsoever. you remembered what i said, engineering is not what i want. not what i love. not something that i can do." i don't blame you. never did i do. tapi, boleh tak semua org faham walaupun sekejap, a succesful engineer, is someone who has a very good basic, interest, knowledge and experties in math's subjects. i don't have all that. i don't even love maths. i hate calculating. i hate all the complex formula. what do you expect i will feel when everyone else is going thru this with a wide progress, and me? not even an inch. mungkin la, mungkin minat tu boleh dipupuk. tapi it takes time. for me seems like its gonna be forever. saya tak nak jadi engineer yang sambil lewa. do nothing for the people, for the nation. do nothing for good. that is not how i want my life to end. i know to revert back it's like impossible. i have to keep going. but if i go on, i will not live a happy life. yes, i like utp so much. but will i love myself? that, i can't answer. mana nak fikir pasal scholar lagi.  you want me to compare? all my friends from the same batch who are jpa's scholar, they've scored dean list for at least one of the two sems. and yet, me? pfffftttt.

i don't know. maybe i'm too tensed. if it is fated yg sy akan grad dengan bachelor of Chemical Engineering punye degree, Alhamdulillah. it'll be for you mom, dad. but if it is not fated that way, maybe Allah SWT have something better for me. rite?

:) 

(:

from akmakasim.blogspot

the few things to tell

salam.

td baru je post something kat sini kan. lupa plak ade lagi bende nak post. banyaaaaaaak la jugak. hehe. :D

ermmm, ok. i'll start dengan result semester 2 dulu. result dah keluar hari jumaat lepas. pagi tu mama call, then lepas tu, tak cakap lagi sebab gi check kt prism result mmg tak kelauar lagi. then towards the evening, masa tgh berprofile stalking (hehe), terlihat lah komen komen kat news feed yg berbunyi "wahhh. dean list bro, tahniah!". pastu ape lagi, cepat cepat la mengklik 'new tab' kat sblh fb tu. bile bukak je slip result tu, the first thing that crossed my mind time tu ; "Allahuakabar, scholar aku!". Result die, ermmm mcm mana nk kata ek, it's better than previous sem, tp still, i'm not happy sbb tiga angka tu memang obviously tak dpt jamin scholar utk UG nanti. haish. tp, dlm kecoh kecoh tu kan, Alhamdulillah, ada improvement and lepas 3 pointer. and the second thing that crossed my mind ; "oweeiii. gane nk cakap kat mama ngan ayah ni". feeling guilty? tu toksah cerita la. mmg rasa bersalah tahap gaban. haisshhh. dugaan dugaan. harap sgt sgt JPA baik hati klu tak dpt cgpa 3.4, die akan still consider utk trus bagi scholar even dpt warning letter pun kire ok la rather than kene tarik trus kan. pastu masa bgtau mama mlm tu, mmg sah sah dpt lecture free. sokayyy. my mistake as well. mama kata, tu la over confident sgt. erkkk! =__=" mama ckp lagi, klu scholar kene tarik, mama tak leh nk tolong dh, duk rumah je la nanti. boleh je terbayang jadi bibik kat rumah tu kan. adoooihh. nauzubillahiminzalik! pastu, bgtau ayah. heee. ayah cool sikit. ayah kata sokayyy, kakak dh try. but still, i sniffed the sense of disappointment in the air. sorry ayah. *this was what i meant when i told you why i didn't want to pursue engineering. i know i hv to force myself to love the subjects; lagi lagi la maths. and this is what happen when you do/endure something without passion :|* okay. forget about that. so rite now, nk cari senior yg pernah ada experience mcm ni. i mean, bdk JPA yg tak dpt cgpa 3.4 masa foundy, were they given the second chance or how? sape sape yg kenal, do tell me :)

ok. enough about the not-really-good-news part. move on to this weekend, saya telah pun pergi sekali lagi ke felda residence trolak for leadership workshop under caunseling unit of SSD. i was representing MAKNA UTP. hooyeahh! program ni run for 2 days and 1 night.40 representatives from various club and student bodies were there. tp tak semua. PSSCHUTP and HELWI pun ada. waaaa. suke suke. program tu best. klu nk rate i would give 4.5 out of 5. kat sana semuanye leaders yg super gempak ; RM, MEDTECH,RCSU,ROBOCON,MPP. nasib baik la ramai yang kenal, so takde la rase awkward sgt. ada kak tini, kak syida, kak syafiqa, wani, and kak ain. ouh and wakil MAKNA consist of three people semuanye my coursemate ; me, Tiara and Hazwan. most of the module need us to be in group so i was in group COMPASS ;) and as always i'm THE ONLY GIRL dlm group tu and i felt really really ganjil and kerdil. lagilah dpt group leader like azrul tuh, mmg kene buli !but apart from that, i learnt a lot of thing, met a lot of different kind of people, communicate better, trained to think critically, punctuality widen my scoop of mind, creating bond between other leaders, learn to accept others explaination. wow. many more to list actually. the best part, is the bond created, the fun and enjoyment, the laugh, the winning :oyeahhh! go compass!, and mcm mana nk tahan dengan org yg gila gila mcm azrul. seriously tak tipu, he has extra tonnes of humour and perkara yg tak boleh bla. insane! but at many points, i do respect him sebab obviously he has the pure character of a leader. *cakap banyak banyak ni bukan sebab syok kat die ek. "sot" la mamat tuh.* when he talks, he wants everybody to hear, to digest and if he's wrong, he wants people to straight away shoot. knowledge die sgt la banyakkkkk. klu time die share something kat depan, org dh blh kagum, just imagine being one of his "fruit children" (as quoted by him), he shares a lot more. i like the principal he hold, bile die jokes around memang pecah perut, klu kejam mmg kejam giler, but when it comes to work he's dead serious!

masa nak balik, rasa mcm nak stay lagi. tapi esok ada kelas and khamis ada test. so, enough for honeymoon! but then, bas dtg lambat gile. so kiteorg pun apa lagi, bergambar la. haha. kiteorg seronok je bergambar, kunci bilik pass kat anis ngan irfan je suh dieorg htr kat reception (jauh kot). thanks to both of you for being gentlemen, tp anissss, my name is not asmah okayyy. lawak la kau! :P tgu punye tgu, lepas dh abis satu forum wanita (dgn girls) baru la bas sampai. sesat rupenye. driver tu tgh bad mood. kiteorg pulak demand nk stop lunch. lapar kot. lunch not provided. nasib baik la uncle tu stop jugak. tp.. setengah jam saja! ok la uncle! so, makan la kat KFC ngan tiara ngan hazwan. kak syafiqah ngan wani pun skali. ouh, and sedikit dunkin donut utk santapan petang. hahaha. :D and the journey home sgt la memeningkan sbb lagu tamilllll! tp tgk movie ngan tiara tp still x boleh tido! pening doe! around 4 - 4.30 ++, smpi la kat utp. Alhamdulillah. dan esok kelasssss. haha. anyway, i do wanna go again to this workshop esp with all these awesome guys. next time maybe? :DDD

 :: amirah suhaimi and hani tiara faihana :: 

:: hooyeahh. group tiara ngan hazwan tgh bentang ::

:: dalam ramai ramai tu, ni je la bungan bunga yang sedang mekar ::

:: us again. go MAKNA! oyeahh. :) ::

:: profile picture. kan tiara kan? haha ::

:: ok. jangan cakap apa apa ::

ouhh. not again..

dear self, it happen again?
 i've no accurate answer. tp normal la kan. if i dont hv such feeling, abnormal pulak. hermmm.

:)

biarkan pepasir ini mendakap kaki

salam semua.

memandangkan dah beberapa purnama berada di perantauan ni kan, tiba tiba hati dipagut rasa rindu pada tanah halaman. teingat pulak sajak ni yang dihasilkan tahun lepas, kalau tak silap sempena perkampungan penulis muda di pontian, johor. sajak ni insya-Allah, pernah sampai pada pihak DBP, tapi tak publish pun. however, still copyright reserved, okayyy, ;D

BIARKAN PEPASIR INI MENDAKAP KAKI

Deru ombak yang mengaum

Egois membilas dada pantai

Sayap angin yang bertiup

Kencang berpuput di kawanan awan

Desir pasir yang berbisik

Menyatakan perasaannya

Pada si kecil ketam yang enteng berjalan

Telah hampir dua dekad

Segala ini mewarnai kehidupanku

Kebenciaan yang dulu menggelegak

Membibitkan kecintaan yang membuak-buak

Tanpa aku sedar

Tanpa aku paksa

Mencalit segaris persaan cinta

Dalam lubuk hati yang paling dalam

Warna-warna kehidupan tetap meriah disini

Sekalipun hidup sering diterjah cubaan

Dan pintu hati sering dinoda keresahan

Kaki tetap gagah melangkah ke sini

Kerana pantai ini,

Menjadi penawar buat sekuntum senyuman

Lalu, tenanglah hati yang tadi gundah disayat cubaan

Dan pantai ini,

Hadirlah seribu tengkujuh pun,

Tetap utuh kecantikannya yang abadi

Dan demi pantai ini,

Aku tidak peduli arus modenisasi,

Aku tidak kisah gelombang tekonologi

Yang aku mahu,

Cuma butir pepasir  dipantai ini

Terus mendakap telapak kaki

Terus bermain dengan jari-jemari

Menghadiakan sebening ketenangan

Mengagumi segenap ciptaan Tuhan.

karya : Nur Amirah Suhaimi ; 2009.

raw punye experience

salam.
sewaktu entry ni ditulis, sy baru shj pulang dari sebuah kem motivasi di gopeng. slot terakhir malam td, spt biasa, berupa pengisian yang Alhamdulillah, sedikit sbyk dpt memuhasabahkan diri ini. waktu slot terakhir tu, ada ditayangkan video gejala sosial remaja skrg yang dah tahap kronik punyer kronik. bhs kasarnye, tahap gaban la keseriusan masalah ni. in comparison, ditayangkan pula, video remaja remaja Palestine yang seusia, sedang galak menghalau anjing anjing zionis dari bumi mereka yang tertindas. Subhanallah, jauhnya jurang Malaysia dan Palestine.

nak dijadikan cerita, malam tu, kami dihantar pulang oleh seorg senior kami yang tak kurang hebat orgnya, dari segi tarbiyah dan kepimpinan. mungkin malam td Allah nak tunjuk pengalaman yang betul betul raw utk kami - kami tgk live mat rempit lepas accident. lelaki tu masih terbaring atas jalan, tak bergerak waktu kitaorg lalu tu. hidup atau mati, wallahualam. dah la tu, BANYAK giler mat rempit time tu. yang herannye, kawan dieorg accident kot, some of them boleh ignore je, sambung rempit pulak tu! adehhh. ni la yang dikatakan barah sosial. Masya-Allah. sambil sambil tu dapat tazkirah free dari senior sy ni, katenye, ni la masalah remaja ngr kita, klu negara lain remaja dieorg tak cukup makan, ngr kita? bukan stakat terlebih makan, terlebih minyak motor segala sampai duk berlumba sia sia. kata senior sy lagi, cuba bayangkan, kalau yang terbaring td tu, mati (mohon dijauhkan), tak ke sia sia? bau syurga ke? atau neraka? Nauzubillahiminzalik.

Alhamdulillah, dpt pengajaran live. dah la yang kat kem td still fresh lagi. semoga Allah membuka pintu hati kita dengan hidayah-Nya dan mohon dijauhkan barah sosial ni dari merebak kat keluarga, rakan rakan, dan jugak masyarakat sekeliling. Amin.

itulah gunanya pesan memesan. ;)

ni la video yang sempat dirakam sikit kan. tengok boleh tapi JANGAN BUAT!

p/s : malu seyh, tertekan butang capture. dh la flash kuat. aduuiihhh. O.O

alamakk!

salam.

PART ONE
 suppose sy nk update something else kat sini. tp, rasa bersalah ni macam terlalu kuat memalu dalam benak. i've made this one mistake kat sorg ukhti ni. sy x brani nk confess la sebab syg die, and tak nak hilang die. tpi apa yang aku dh TERbuat tu macam dh buat situasi jadi lebih tegang ( ada la satu isu ni). ya Allah, macam mana ni?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

i'm just an ordinary person, kadang kadang, eh bukan, selalu tersilap bergurau, tersalah jeling, terlepas cakap, tertumbuk, tertampar, ter itu dan ini. aisehhh. sorry r. i'll try harder to be a better friend. sorry.

PART TWO
*post ni valid utk yg tertentu shj. yg penting tdk sama sekali dtujukan kpd parents, okay? :)

as the saying goes ; duit aku, ikut suke aku la!
alamak, dah duit sendiri kan, hak sendiri la nak beli cadar ke kain pelikat ke cermin ke lipstick ke kasut ke. dah nama pun perempuan, kan?  ni yang rasa nak kutuk sikit nih. luar je nampak solid macam traveller keliling glob,gempak la konon, dalam hati ada taman kottt. pfftttt.
  only one person take control of my money, my parents. yang ini sy rela. betulll.

*nak ckp, ckp la, tp x yah la suke hati duk label barang orang. ni yang hot ni !  alamakk! =.="

eid mubarak

salam and hi.

ouh, i had such a lovely and splendid time with my family and old friends during this raya. thanks guys for all the fun. sukeee! hehe. lepas ni, ramai yang akan betul betul berpecah ikut haluan masing masing. ade yang ke oversea, ade yang akan pursue degree, diploma, buat preparation and many more. harapnye, walau di mana pun kita berada, kita tak lupa siapa kita, tugas kita sebagai khalifah-Nya, mak ayah kita, keluarga, guru guru dan para sahabat. tanpa mereka, siapalah kita, kan?

for my besties yang akan fly, i wish you guys all the best in future life :

Amira Muluk
waaa. ke Mesir ye anda! bagus bagus. jangan lupakan sahabatmu ini. ingat tak dulu, we dreamt of going to the same U, pursuing medic together and so on. well, nampaknye, it's you alone who's going to be a doctor. sorry, but i never left my dream. what more to forget it. kecintaan sy utk bidang tu masih ada, tak pernah malap. cuma takdir dah tertulis lebih awal, so here i am, stranded in universiti terlampau panas ni. tapi, ayah sy kata, Allah dah tetapkan lubuk rezeki masing masing, tinggal lagi, usaha dari kita sendiri. insya-Allah, may we gain success in whatever stream we are in. kirim salam pada bumi anbia, dan bawalah impianku bersamamu.

Syafiqah Thaqifah Alias
piqahh. nak kirim Novak Djokovic sorang bole? haha. duk molek kat Rusia hor. save duit scholar molek so that raya tahun depan boleh naik myvi biru lagii. :) whatever it is, all the best ya, doc-to-be. take care of yourself and do keep in touch!

Firwan Fauzi
pwang, mu pun ku Mesir jugok. all the best ek.jangan bawak balik minah arab sudeyy. haha. kalau dapat sorang pun, jgn lupa buat kenduri kat bukit besor. kang jauh jauh kang, aku dok leh gi. haha. sorry, can't manage to go to your house raya kali ni. maybe next time, next year maybe. eh eh jgn lupa aku akan sokmo boo Man U kesayangan mu oa kalau dieorg kalah lagi. and cheers for les blues, jgn lupe! ;)

so guys, biarkan waktu berdetik. insya-Allah, panjang umur murah rezeki, tahun tahun depan, we'll meet again. the closest is next 4 years, okay?

walaupun hari ni dah Syawal yang ke-10, rasenye belum terlambat untuk ucapkan

SELAMAT HARI RAYA , MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN.

ikhlas,

suhaimi abd aziz

zahiroh abu bakar

nur amirah suhaimi

mohd zaim suhaimi

muhd azim suhaimi

embun @ che maimun jaafar

raya 4th, at my house :)

adia's house. tapi ang tadop.

us

CREDIT TO ADIA NADILLA AHMAD RAMDZI FOR THE PHOTOS